The Art of Happiness (Riverhead, 1998, ) is a book by the 14th Dalai Lama and Howard Cutler, a psychiatrist who posed questions to the Dalai Lama. Cutler quotes the Dalai Lama at length, providing context and describing some details of the settings in which the interviews took place, as well as adding his own reflections on issues raised.
The book explores training the human outlook that alters perception. The concepts that the purpose of life is happiness, that happiness is determined more by the state of one's mind than by one's external conditions, circumstances, or events—at least once one's basic survival needs are met and that happiness can be achieved through the systematic training of our hearts and minds.
Chapter summaries
Part I. The Purpose of Life
Chapter 1: The Right to Happiness "I believe that the very purpose of our life is to seek happiness. That is clear, whether one believes in religion or not, whether one believes in this religion or that religion, we all are seeking something better in life. So, I think, the very motion of our life is towards happiness…” (13). The Dalai Lama spoke this powerful statement at a conference in Arizona among a crowd of people. Chapter one, The Right to Happiness, introduces what the book; the Art of Happiness is about.
Psychiatrist Howard Cutler followed the Dalai Lama around on this tour. Cutler, as well as many of his patients, believed that happiness was “ill defined, elusive, and ungraspable” (14). He also noted that the word ‘happy’ was derived from the term luck or chance (14). His stance on happiness changed after spending some time with this peace leader.
“When I say ‘training the mind,’ in this context I'm not referring to ‘mind’ merely as one's cognitive ability or intellect. Rather I'm using the term in the sense of the Tibetan word Sem, it includes intellect and feeling, heart and mind. By bringing about a certain inner discipline we can undergo a transformation of our attitude, our entire outlook and approach to living" (15).
The purpose of our life is to seek happiness was the phrase that stuck with him out of every other word the Dalai Lama spoke. After later examining some previous experiments, he came to this conclusion: unhappy people tend to be self-focused, withdrawn, brooding and even antagonistic. “On the other hand, happy people tend to be more sociable, flexible, and creative and are able to tolerate life’s daily frustrations more easily than unhappy people.” (16)
The Dalai Lama sees happiness as an objective: people setting goals and working to achieve them thus creating happiness in oneself.
Chapter 2: The Sources of Happiness Chapter 1 talks about how to train the mind to become happier; with Chapter 2, we can figure out our sources of happiness or unhappiness. This chapter starts by explaining how a woman being able to retire at age 32 is at a higher level of happiness, but she soon returns to her happiness level before early retirement. Compared to this story, a man is told he's HIV positive, which brings him to a lower level of happiness, but he soon begins to appreciate everyday life more (19–20). These two examples in the book help explain how “happiness is determined more by one’s state of mind than by external events” (20). Being at a life's high, winning the lottery, or being at a low, diagnosed with cancer, we eventually get back to our baseline level. This baseline level is described in the book as how we react to life-changing news; even then our lives will reach a normal baseline again (21).
Relating to the baseline theory, we have very comparing minds with one another and within ourselves. The book explains how we compare incomes and success, which leads to unhappiness, but we need to flip this state of mind to compare with the less fortunate to appreciate what we have (22–23). According to the Dalai Lama, “If you harbor hateful thoughts or intense anger deep within yourself, then it ruins your health; thus it destroys one of the factors for happiness” (25). We are born into a certain state of mind about happiness, but we can change our outlook by being happier in each moment. For example, we can find more happiness with ourselves through self-worth. Self-worth, according to the Dalai Lama, is having a source of affection, compassion, and a sense of dignity (32). We need a strong sense of contentment to feel happier without obtaining objects, which assists in finding self-worth. Along with material things, we need to be able to decide what is going to bring us happiness or just pleasure. We have to reflect on what will ultimately bring us positive or negative consequences when dealing with a positive or negative action we perform to bring us satisfaction (28). We must ask ourselves if a certain object/action will make us happier or bring us pleasure.
Chapter 3: Training the Mind for Happiness First step is learning. Analyse thoughts and emotions to determine if they are beneficial or hurtful. Try not to "want." If you know something may tempt you avoid it. Positive desires are good.
Chapter 4: Reclaiming our Innate State of Happiness The ability to be happy is in everyone's nature. Happiness is found through love, affection, closeness and compassion. Not only do humans have the capability of being happy, but also the Dalai Lama believes that each human naturally has a gentle quality within them. The Dalai Lama supports this theory by mentioning ‘Buddha nature’, the Buddhist doctrine, but also saying that gentleness is not only affected by religion but in everyday life. With gentleness comes aggression, however. People argue that aggression is the dominant behavior for the human race. In response, the Dalai Lama says, “anger, violence and aggression may certainly arise, but I think it's on a secondary or more superficial level; in a sense, they arise when we are frustrated in our efforts to achieve love and affection” (54–55). Although aggression can occur, overall our fundamental nature is gentleness. The Dalai Lama believes that because of the advancement in human intelligence we are believed to be capable of controlling our aggression versus our kindness; however, if the intellect level were to decrease then the result would be destructive. So, overall, the Dalai Lama believes that although it is possible to go down the path of aggression there is always the natural ability to be compassionate again. The compassion towards one's self as humans has to be equally distributed to others. “Reaching out to help others may be as fundamental to our nature as communication” (59). This suggests the idea that humans are “programmed with the capacity and purpose of bringing pleasure and joy to others” (61). Overall, happiness is reached by keeping peace with others and one's self, which can be reached through meditation and community service. Therefore, the Dalai Lama concludes that the purpose isn't to create tension but a positive atmosphere. This gives our life meaning, which leads to overall happiness. That positive atmosphere can be found through closeness and compassion.
Part II. Human Warmth and Compassion
Chapter 5: A New Model for Intimacy Compassion and intimacy are two of the strongest emotions a person can achieve. It is impossible to find these emotions solely within ourselves. We are constantly trying to search for another to be compassionate about, or intimate with. One needs to approach others with a positive attitude, to create an open and friendly atmosphere. Being openly friendly with others, allows one to be compassionate. “We have to maintain an attitude of friendship and warmth in order to lead a way of life in which there is enough interaction with other people to enjoy a happy life” (Dalai Lama, 69).
Intimacy is the central core of our existence. It creates openness with others, which is necessary for a happy lifestyle. According to the Dalai Lama intimacy is “...having one special person with whom you can share your deepest feelings, fears, and so on” (76). The Dalai Lama's opinion is supported by research of Cutler, as he writes “Medical researchers have found that people who have close friendships, and have people they can turn to for affirmation, empathy, and affection are more likely to survive health challenges such as heart attacks, major surgeries and are less likely to develop diseases and cancer” (78). Intimacy is also physical closeness. “The desire for intimacy is the desire to share ones innermost self with another” (The Dalai Lama, 81). One can express himself too much also. Once a person has opened oneself completely to everyone, the special intimacy is lost, and it is hard to satisfy the need of connection with one special person. “The model intimacy is based on the willingness to open ourselves to many others, to family, friends, and even strangers, forming genuine and deep bonds based on common humanity” (Dalai Lama, 84). By opening oneself to the world around us, it creates the opportunity to form special bonds with someone new, or build upon a relationship one may already have.
Chapter 6: Deepening Our Connection to Others According to Chapter 5, Howard C. Cutler also asks The Dalai Lama a question about connections and relationships between people: "What would you say is the most effective method or technique of connecting with others in a meaningful way and of reducing conflicts with others?" The Dalai Lama says that there is no formula or exact example for all problems.(87) The Dalai Lama believes that empathy is the key to be more warm and compassionate in connections to others. He thinks that it is very important and extremely helpful to be able to try to put ourselves in the other person's place and see how would we react to the situation.(89) To show compassion and try to understand the background of other people. Cutler also writes a few stories/experiences from his life. For instance when he was in an argument with someone and his reaction was inappropriate without trying to understand and appreciate what the other person might think – no empathy.
The Dalai Lama does not just refer to caring for each other; he also finds relationships very important and differentiates them in two ways.(111) The first is when you are in a relationship with someone because of wealth, power or position (material) – when these things disappear, the relationship normally ends. The second way is based on true human feelings (spiritual). The Dalai Lama also informs about sexual relationships. You can have a sexual relationship with no respect for each other. Usually it is just temporary satisfaction. Or sexual relationships bonded with a person who we think is kind, nice and gentle.(101–102)
After discussing relationships and sexual relationships in general, The Dalai Lama continues to speak about love. He does not believe in true love – in falling in love. His opinion on this subject is very negative; he describes idealized romantic love as a fantasy and that it is unattainable – just simply not worth it. (111) But he also says that closeness and intimacy are some of the most important components of human happiness.(112)
According to Chapter 6 we can say that the Dalai Lama clearly represents his opinions on human relationships, empathy and sexual attraction, and he tries to explain them in a simple way. These are the most important and most discussed topics in Chapter 6. We find out how empathy is needed in human relationships. That understanding and trying to appreciate the other person's emotional background is priceless. Also that relationships are either materially or spiritually based. On the other hand, the Dalai Lama does not believe in love and describes it as a fantasy or imagination, although he thinks that true relationships are based on true human feelings. All these new information are related to Chapter 7's main topic which is basically about the value and benefits of compassion.
Chapter 7: The Value and Benefits of Compassion